But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize