Pappa wants mamma naked
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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