I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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