Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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