I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
