You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
