totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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