we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm at about main and main street
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
