please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
