O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Be still, my beating vagina.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
