my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
