I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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