Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
