so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
