Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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