there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize