I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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