There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
