do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
