is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
