my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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