They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
