i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize