i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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