i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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