Ketchup is God's man juice
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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