Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
