Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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