you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
