this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize