shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
