I looked at my own cervix.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You may now shotgun with the bride
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
