is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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