I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
