Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize