I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
