i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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