I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize