Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
This can only be settled by a dance off.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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