Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
