Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
