Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
