EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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