Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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