I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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