Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize