This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
