"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
