Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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