My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
