no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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