Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
