Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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