I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize