my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
