I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
