i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
