I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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