His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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