he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
