It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
