she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
