I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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