My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
