She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
