This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
