Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
