some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize