We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
