dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
