i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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