haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
