I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
