Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
