Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
