what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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