I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
