Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
