I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
