so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
