So drunk its hurt
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
