in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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