Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
