Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Text me some of your sweat
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