you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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